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Friday, April 23, 2021

According to the term, curbside pickup is free, amazing and at least 70 percent worth it

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Epidemics. They’re the bane of humanity. And yet, one of the more peculiar side effects of the pandemic has been the explosion of home remedies, basic household knowledge and merchandise.

In small, easy-to-use boxes, self-described homeopathists, holistic healers and pretty much anyone who assumes that diseases can be treated and cured at home, have expanded their repertoire.

Exhibit A: the wide array of remedies that curbside pick up businesses offer. From essential oils, herbs and vitamins to body wraps, massages and yoga sessions, countless curbside pick-up businesses exist, offering a wide array of wellness solutions at the push of a button.

A recent Prevention cover story featured “vaping” on the cover — vaping is simple, convenient and free. But the article also pointed out that the trend can increase the rates of new generations of nicotine addicts. The piece acknowledged, too, that “with such an aggressive marketing strategy, it will take a lot to squash the exploding market.”

Other common curbside pick-up businesses offer do-it-yourself massages with edible “molten rice” and pedicures with hot oils and exfoliators. For more adventurous mamas looking to give birth, curbside delivery services deliver kosher frozen spa-babies, from the Fairchild Spa in New York and Pacifica Avenue Pedi Bar in Florida.

In some cases, curbside pick-up businesses offer paraffin hemlock baths for the parents. One such service, Prana Teachable Sessions, offers a $34 soak in an ergonomically designed bathtub filled with liquefied paraffin, edible Himalayan salt and almond oil. Before you could even fill up the tub, The Millions of Others made sure that you were “vibrating with the transcendent energy of nature, knowing that you are a part of a greater force.”

Obviously, with curbside pickup, it isn’t all fun and relaxation. It’s also a lucrative business opportunity, with payouts that can range from several thousands to tens of thousands of dollars for a single appearance. One such company, KarmaReach, even offers a rewards program. Here’s how you can get your compensation, according to their website:

Innovators are rewarded $2 for every Order 10 or more. Additional orders increase the reward to $3 per Order 10, $4 per Order 11 to 28, $5 per Order 29 to 50, $6 per Order 51 to 100, $7 per Order 101 to 200, $8 per Order 201 and more.

The list of regimens includes everything from birth control, eczema and acne serums, to a “demi-shrink” service that promises to reduce an individual’s gender size. Before you can get your reward check, you have to refer someone who can take the full course, making it clear to anyone getting started with the service that it’s best not to try to be a “face” of the business without actually doing it, according to Lons, the founder of the business.

In sum, curbside pickup may be easy, convenient and no, really, it’s free. It’s also probably less expensive than going to a nice spa. But it’s probably just as likely to end up making your kid become an addict.

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